The View from here

Seeing: Well, I can’t help but notice that my sweet family is growing. The new family picture helped me stop and take notice that each one of the kids are really blooming. Mason is 7 next month! He excels at school and especially loves math (word problems, geometry, it is amazing what he can do already!) and spelling. At home I would say his favorite hobbies are jump roping and paper crafts?. I don’t know what else to call them, but for a while he was really into dot to dots, and then there was a paper airplane phrase, and now he is into cutting out snowflakes… He tells me that jumping rope is a great exercise for the whole body, so he works out often. Then we have Myla. She is my sweet girl with some mean looks. We are really working on smiling at new people instead of staring them down. She loves playing with Maddox. Dressing him up in her princess skirts and forcing him into closets to play with flash lights are some of her games. He doesn’t mind too much. Lil bubba's nickname is Mad Max. He is really turning into a toddler. He understands when I ask him to find his blanket or cup. He is a mess and will literally open drawers and pull everything out. Take a look and see what I see.

Hearing: The other day when Maddox was pulling everything out of my drawer and the other two were chasing eachother through the house I turned on my Christmas Mix and Mindy Smith was singing. Her music helped calm the chaos. So I’m listening to her a lot lately.

Tasting: I eat sandwiches everyday usually and when winter comes I crave soup. This year I have treated myself to homemade instead of canned. I just make a batch on Monday and heat it up everyday. My favorite has been White Chili with navy beans and chicken. The recipe is super easy and on the back of cans of Busch’s Navy Beans. My batch only lasted 3 days it was so good. Yum!

Smelling: This one was hard. Besides, my soup and the new scented trash bags I bought I can’t think of much. My favorite smell this time of year is the fireplace and cinnamon. I love those cinnamon pinecones. And I love walking Mason home from the bus when it’s cold and smelling the fireplaces burning.

Touching: These hands are usually bathing, tickling, cleaning up after, wiping noses, changing diapers, doing laundry, claening ect! This last weekend Kip and I got to stay in a hotel for the first time in over 2 years. He had his work party downtown and we got a room in the hotel. We stayed up late, drank a little, ate really good free food, talked with adults, and slept in a cozy bed until almost 10 in the morning! (Betcha thought I was gonna get graphic) It was amazing.

Faith: I’m listening to Matt Chandler’s Ecclesiastes series. He says that faith is our sixth sense and our world without it is meaningless. I love the possibility that this sense may actually grow stronger as I age even though the others are sure to weaken. Yet since my entire view on life hinges on this; the future is very bright. Most of all I love that I can’t mess it up and that it’s very existence in me depends on someone else’s work which is complete.

Just for Fun

Anyone up for blogging a survey? Here's mine...

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Yes, my mom’s best friend Angie, but I didn’t inherit the “e”
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Yesterday, not yet today, but there is still time…
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? No
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Boar’s Head Maple Glazed Honey Turkey
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Oh yes
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Sure I would
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Sometimes
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Never!
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Granola
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Nope
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Strong willed maybe and sometimes that effects my physical strength
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? It has to be soy, but I love Brownie Fudge
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Their countenance
15. RED OR PINK? RED
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? I’m too critical
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? Amy P!
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? I hope they blog it!
19. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Asics
20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Pasta for Lunch
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? A little girl that should be napping yelling “mommie”
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? A cool shade of blue
23. FAVORITE SMELLS? Cinnamon and fresh flowers
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My mom
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Love her!
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Are reality shows a sport? Football I guess?
27. HAIR COLOR? Brown (has gotten darker with each child, I’ve thought about going blonde so I look like my kids)
28. EYE COLOR? Bright Blue
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Yep
30. FAVORITE FOOD? Chocolate
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? happy endings
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Baby Mama, too funny!
33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Navy Blue
34. SUMMER OR WINTER? Can't wait until summer now that we have a pool
35. HUGS OR KISSES? Yum, I love them both!
36. FAVORITE DESSERT? Chocolate Cake
37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? ???
38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? ???
39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Om Paradise Drive by David Brooks
40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? I don’t have one
41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? Amazing Race and My Own Worst Enemy 42. FAVORITE SOUND? That rolling laugh that when the kids get really tickled
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Beatles
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME??? Antigua
45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? I can talk in a weird squeaky voice (is that a talent?)
46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Dallas, Texas
47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? everyone's

Giving Thanks To God

And on to Psalms 105, "Give thanks to the Lord, call on His name; make known the nations what He has done".

Today God has seen fit to act quickly in my life. A few awkward conversations, then an affirming one, hours of twitter updates and some Tylenol and life is renewed and totally different. New doors are opened for deeper relationships and healing both physical and emotional has already begun. Praise the Lord! Since the last post I can't stop singing...

Bless the Lord, Oh my soul and all that is within me bless His holy name.

Seeking...

I'm reading Psalms 104 today. Babies are in surgery, children are sick, family members are suffering, friends are struggling; my heart is in distress. I need a God that "cloaks himself in light" , one "that stretches the heavens out like a tent" and rides the clouds like a chariot. The Truth says that He makes the water to quench the thirsts of beasts and grows plants for the cattle. The lions powerful as they may be cannot hunt alone, they must seek their food from God. The earth trembles with one glance from Him and with one touch the mountains smoke.

My mind cannot fathom your might and your undieing love. I beg you Lord, open your hand and satisfy those who are hurting. Send your Spirit to renew the weary. The glory of the Lord will endure forever. Praise the Lord, O my soul.

Something to think about...

CODEPENDENCY AND CHRISTIAN LIVING

On the surface, codependency messages sound like Christian teaching.
"Codependents always put others first before taking care of themselves." (Aren’t Christians to put others first?)
"Codependents give themselves away." (Shouldn’t Christians do the same?)
"Codependents martyr themselves." (Christianity honors its martyrs.)
Those statements have a familiar ring, don’t they? Then how can we distinguish between codependency, which is unhealthy to codependents and their dependents, and mature faith, which is healthy.

Codependency says:
I have little or no value.
Other persons and situations have all the value.
I must please other people regardless of the cost to my person or my values.
I am to place myself to be used by others without protest.
I must give myself away.
If I claim any rights for myself, I am selfish.

Jesus taught the value of the individual. He said we are to love others equal to ourselves, not more than. A love of self forms the basis for loving others. The differences between a life of service and codependency take several forms.

Motivation differs. Does the individual give his service and himself out of free choice or because he considers himself of no value? Does he seek to "please people"? Does he act out of guilt and fear? Does he act out of a need to be needed (which means he actually uses the other person to meet his own needs; the helpee becomes an object to help the helper achieve his own goals).

Service is to be an active choice. The person acts; codependents react. Codependents behavior is addictive rather than balanced. Additions control the person instead of the person being in charge of their own life.

Codependents have poor sense of boundaries; they help others inappropriately (when it creates dependency on the part of the other person rather than moving that person toward independence). They have trouble setting limits for themselves and allow others to invade their boundaries. A codependent’s sense of self-worth is tied up in helping others; Christianity says that a person has worth simply because he is a human being God created. Ones self-worth is separate from the work one does or the service one renders.

Codependents have difficulty living balanced lives; they do for others at the neglect of their own well-being and health; Christian faith calls for balanced living and taking care of oneself.
Codependent helping is joyless; Christian service brings joy.
Codependent are driven by their inner compulsions; Christians are God-directed and can be free from compulsiveness, knowing that God brings the ultimate results.

As I thought about this article it brought to light some anger I have with churches. I defintely feel that codependents have been taken advantage of in the very place that should be shedding light on this life sucking sin disease. Then it just made me sad. There are so many ways to stay busy and blinded in this world. Lots of prayer and accountability are required to make sure we are serving Jesus and not some idol or unmet need. And most of all let's just admit our need and listen to him when he says, "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest."

Shopping!

Ok, since Stacy said I "looked cute" in her comment (Angi looking half way stylish is not the norm so please see her comment on the last post to confirm) I have to tell you about a new place I found to shop! Maybe it's not new to you guys (if so, then why hasn't anyone told me about it?) but I love PAPAYA! It has really cute clothes that are super cheap! T-shirts are 4 or 5 dollars and jackets are 20 to 30 dollars! The store is arranged with like colors together which makes for easy shopping even if you're not a shopper! AND if you find a style of shirt you like you can get one in every color! Is that something only I do? Best of all the one in the Galleria is right next to the play area which is great bribing material! So I don't sound like a commercial, I will say the t-shirts fit a little tight (just go a size up) and some of the clothes may be a little more teenage than mom style (what is mom style anyways?). Give it a try and call me so I can go too!

Satisfy My Desires

It’s been awhile! I have so many things to say and not enough time to write them all. When I have time I am going to do a quick update on Mason and his “favorite year yet!”. He is so cute and is really blooming this year. I really wanted to journal what happened last night just as a reminder to myself…


Yesterday was just a really challenging day. Several things happened, but I really can’t blame the way I felt on anything around me . The only way I can describe it was that my mind was under attack. The day seemed so long and so taxing. I tried my best to get myself out of it, praying and returning to scriptures, but nothing seemed to work. By the time the day was over I was really beaten down and feeling very hopeless. Then something happened... God gave me a great gift, it wasn’t something I could hold in my hand or even something that was really visible. It was more of a renewing, suddenly the darkness lifted and I could think clearly again. It was so beautiful and I knew in my soul it was from God. I felt like He was showing me, I’m here even when it doesn’t feel like it, even when your mind cannot understand me or what I’m doing, I’m here. It seemed almost like a lesson that next time my mind goes to that dark place, even when it lasts longer than a day, maybe I can rest on the fact that at the end is something really beautiful. Something He has just for me. I love this verse, (Is 58:11) the whole chapter actually.

“And the LORD will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.”

I used to think it was just for missionaries and the like, but I decided to keep it for my own. It’s pretty hot, where I am…

Psalms 27: Functional Blindness

"...to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and seek him in his holy temple." (v.4b)

I would like to think
that others are blind,
but I am not.
I would like to think
that I have
clarity of vision,
a penetrating insight
that lights my way.
I am good at recognizing
the sight problems of others.
I am skilled
at pointing out
the gaps in their vision
and the blind spots
that alter how they see
and the way they
respond.
I would like to
believe
that I have 20/20 vision,
but the evidence points
to the sad fact thatI don't.
I have the stunning ability
to look around
and not see You.
I see my
busy schedule
tasks to complete
problems to solve
people to see
demands to be met
things to repair
pressures to face
temptations to fight
pleasures to consume
things to build
things to tear down
plans to make
difficulties to survive
huge responsibilities
and short days.
I gaze at my life
every day
and again and again I fail
to see You.
It is a scary reality,
humbling to admit.
Though this world
is filled with
Your glory,
I exist
so much of the time
glory blind.
In Your love
You created a world
that is a sight and sound
display
of Your magnificent glory.
No matter from what perspective
we're looking,
no matter what vista
we're taking in,
no matter where we're standing
and which way
we're gazing,
Your glory is visible
and evident.
Yet, again and again
I fail to seeYour beauty.
So I seek Your
healing
one more time.
Please place Your
powerful hands
on my broken eyes
and give me sight again.
Please place your
powerful hands
on my wayward heart
and make it seek again.
Don't let me be
so blinded
with me and mine,
that I fail to seeYou.
For it's only
when my eyes
see Your beauty,
and my heart is filled with Your
glory
that I'll quit seeking
identity
meaning
satisfaction
purpose
fulfillment
and life,
where it can't be found.
So I would pray
this simple prayer,
"Please touch me by
Your grace
so that there'll never
be a day
where I haven't
somehow
someway
gazed upon
Your beauty."

-Paul Tripp

More on the new house and my heart

We are in our house. What a blessing, we love the neighborhood, the area, the school, and of course the house. We are doing some renovations and it has prevented us from unpacking the majority of the house, so we’ve been living in a disaster area for the last 2 weeks. My one year old is determined (and I do mean determined) to get electrocuted by the exposed outlets, swallow the loose screws, climb into the fireplace, pull down all the paper over the windows… And we are all tired of living out of boxes, at the mall, eating out… This is my confession, it is so easy for me to stand in the middle of the house look around and start to panic. I see all the mess, I feel all the aches of moving, I have all the worries of being unsettled and THEN here it comes, instead of praying and begging to see what God has for me I start pointing and looking around. I say “ there are people all across the world that would LOVE to be in my shoes, what gives me the right to complain?” Unfortunately this is not a prayer that comes from a heart full of mercy, instead mine is full of pride. Much like the prayer of the Pharisee in Luke 18:9. My heart is full of religion one that abides by moral law and not by grace. Basically, I’m saying don’t help me God, I need to do this myself, help those that are really sick, really weak, not me I’m too good and strong for your help. I love how Rose Miller explains religious moralism in her book, From Fear to Freedom…

Religious moralism is rooted in the power of will and self. Eventually it fails and we act like orphans: frightened, insecure people who need to be in control. We might be able to analyze of problems, but we cannot invent a cure. (and so we are left with our heads spinning, lost in the problem totally unable to see Hope)

Ok, this writing thing really helps me, I’m getting so excited. You what this means!? It’s all a facade! That’s right you know order, control, it’s not true, even though sometimes it seems like maybe I have some I really don’t. But I have Jesus (or He has me) and where I just analyze (can I even do that?) , He will CHANGE (my heart or whatever He sees fit)! Forget the house change my heart! Ok, my balloon has been popped… The room has stopped spinning and I’m realizing once again that He died for Me, ornery self righteous me. Today has suddenly turned into a beautiful day, wow…

House #2

If first you don't succeed, try try again! The first house was beautiful, but at the inspection we found out that it was falling apart. It needed big things like a new roof, work on the A/C, work on the pool and the list goes on. We have decided on a house in the same general area, this one needs a little cosmetic work, but that is a lot more fun than a new roof! Move in date is August 13th...

Big Update!

Where should I begin!? This blog hasn’t been updated in so long! Back in June we sold our house! Yeah! I actually met the new owners and they seem like great people. I talked to the wife for a long time and she was sure that the Lord had orchestrated everything with buying our house and selling theirs. She was super excited about moving her six girls to Wylie from out of state. It was such a good conversation, I love that nice people are buying this house. They even love our style which was good because we don’t have to worry about covering our concrete floors, but also bad because they took all my kitchen furniture! The house hunt is coming to a close this week. We found a beautiful house that we did not expect to get with our offer, but somehow did! I guess I shouldn’t say the city on the internet, but I think most of you know. You know it’s one of those plain, ole cities. I crack myself up. Anyways we haven’t has it inspected or anything yet so it’s not officially ours yet.

Another exciting event was Kip and I’s 10th wedding anniversary! The last ten years have brought so many changes! We celebrated Young style with a trip to Macaroni grill and Barnes and Nobles. Then Kip bought a really nice bottle of wine (I think it cost more than our dinner) and we toasted and kissed a little ;). Good times with my honey! Oh and yes there is a big difference between expensive wine and the cheap stuff. I guess I’ll have to bare my soul on the changes in our marriage soon. I honestly never thought I would feel more happiness, more love, be more known and heard, by Kip than I am in this moment. Not that it was ever a bad marriage, there was just a faint whisper in my ear that it could be better. Thank you Jesus. Oh and I guess if you’ve read my blog you know this already, but it’s worth repeating. God wanted to change my heart and that changed my marriage, changed everything actually.

More excitement! Last weekend we attended our first membership class to join our church! I was actually pretty terrified going in… This will be the third time Kip and I have really thrown our lives into a church. I am going in with a different attitude though, I know I need guidance from the leaders now. Whereas the times before I have just thought of all the ways I would help shape the church. You know all my knowledge and expertise. I have nothing to offer this church really. I am willing to do pretty much whatever they ask though. I figure if they say it is going to make my life better then I will believe them. I have to trust someone, right? The meeting was amazing it confirmed that this is where God wants us. Three hours flew by and I continue to fall more and more in love with the church and best of all with Jesus. Also, I asked about more campuses and they said it was a possibility. I’m thrilled and praying for a campus in my plain ole city!

Last but not least… Today is my baby’s first birthday! I can’t believe he is turning one! I have to say that his little arrival rocked this mamma’s world. I think I complained about it to everyone for at least the first 8 months. I’m a little better now, but some days, well anyways… Two words to describe Maddox would be curious and happy. I say curious because, if there is a table in the room, he’s under it, a cabinet he’s pulling everything out, a place he’s not supposed to be, he is there! And then, everywhere we go he smiles at people. He actually stares people down until they smile back. Awh, Maddox we can’t imagine what it was ever like without you! We had a small party with just family to celebrate, take a look…

Trip to the River

We just got back from a trip to the Illinois River with some of our best friends. We had a blast riding the river, cooking, roasting marshmallows, and just hanging out! Take a peek at my pics :)!

Myla getting ready to go rafting...

Getting ready to go swimming

Myla and London so sweet!

Girls paddling back from a rafting trip, we make it look easy :)

Guys coming back!

Rafting buddies

Here are all the kids on a very stinky couch!

Not Okay!

I’m reading Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands by Paul Tripp and I had to share this paragraph. I love hearing that it’s okay not to be okay.

“The grace that adopts me into Christ’s family is not a grace that says I am okay. In fact, the Bible is clear that God extends his grace to me because I am everything but okay. As we enter God’s family, we are in need of radical personal change. God’s acceptance is not a call to relax, but a call to work. Paul says in Titus 2:11-12, ‘For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in the present age.’ The grace God extends to us is always grace leading to change. His acceptance is not the end of his work; it is the beginning! Our justification must never be separated from our sanctification. They are two parts of a seamless work of redemption.”

Starting a few years ago I felt this urge to pray and fast specifically for change. Over and over, year after year I have prayed for the same thing. The Holy Spirit’s prompting was powerful, His theme specific and although His calling was clear in my sin I filled in the blank. What needed to change? Well everything around me of course! I have been convinced that the change needed to happen in loved ones, friends, institutions, circumstances… I even have appealing data to back up why all those people and things need to change. My flesh fights the truth that I am the broken one and everything in me wants to run, even now. But, as I look back His grace is so clear. The need to pray for change was real and personal and He in His mercy was preparing me to see the darkness of my own heart. He is forever increasing my faith to stand still (instead of running in fear) and see what I am holding onto and trying to control instead of relying on Him. It’s hard concluding that I will never be ok this side of heaven and that I will always be mourning my sin. The relief is that the groaning hunger within me means that God is sanctifying me and I am His. His spirit within me cries out for Himself!

“Because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, "Abba! Father!" Galatians 4:6

Head in the Trees

So I understand that I am in the center of most of my struggles. Sometimes I just get stuck thinking and analyzing myself. Lately when I feel stuck I try to head outside or look out the window at the trees. I happened on a verse in Isaiah that says the trees will clap to God. One day while driving I glanced up and sure enough the branches of each tree looked like they were clapping. Now I find myself lost in the trees... I wonder how they just stand there through rain, heat, cold, hail, good day, bad day, whatever and just clap and give glory to God.

Today was just kind of well, dull. I feel bad about saying that as a Christian. But anyways it was... Do you think doing the laundry, feeding my kids, changing diapers, loading the dishwasher, playing with the kids, holding them, listening to them... Could this be my way of clapping?

4 Things

For lack of anything else to say I'm posting this! Post it on your blog if you're surfing through :)

1) Four places I go to over and over:
Mason’s School
Walmart
Church
Target

2) Four people who e-mail me (regularly):
Tarrah
Red Envelope
Loudene from our homeowners board
Mother in Law

3) Four places I would rather be right now:
Curled up in bed asleep with Kip
Laughing with good friends
Driving in California with a Starbucks and my man
On vacation with my family (maybe Disney World)

4) Four people I think will respond:
Tarrah
Amy
Kris
Julie

5) Tv shows that I watch over and over:
American Idol
Big Brother
Battlestar Galactica (husband's fault, but I have to say it is a great show!)
Office

Easter

I love Easter! We had another great celebration this year!

My little, but tall brother Adam and his wife Courtney

My mom and dad and family

We had brunch, Mason enjoyed it!

Colored Eggs of course!

Got lots of love from family, this is my Meme with Maddox

Floating

That's what I feel like sometimes, like I'm out here just floating aimlessly. I'm at the point in my life where I need permanency and a good plan. I crave a place to lay my hat for 50 years and I so want to know what to expect tomorrow or next year. Without answers my soul seems to wonder without direction and all my unanwswered question create a lot of anxiety. The Lord blessed me with several answers last week and I thought I would share two of them. The first was the Easter Message given by Matt Chandler at the Village where he answered the question, "why we exist". The Lord really used it to change things in me, maybe He will do the same for you. The other was a verse in Hebrews 6:19

"This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast and one which enters within the veil..."

The hope is based on God's promise to Abraham. The promises God makes in the Old Testament are fulfilled in the New through Jesus Christ. After a lot of waiting, living and dieing, everything God said would happen actually happened. Through the fulfillment of these promises we have hope. My Bible notes say that this anchor of hope goes up to the true sanctuary where we are actually moored to God.

I am not floating, I can make no mistakes that are going to mess up God's plan, He has a reason that I am here now and He knows what tomorrow will bring. There are no accidents and there is no such thing as coincidence. God is completing sovereign and completely good. This is my hope and it is the anchor in which my soul can rest.

Girl Crush!

Should I explain girl crush? I guess it’s just a girl that I wish I knew and respect from a far! Nothing sexual or anything, ha ha! I think my last one was Stepheinie from survivor season 10 and the other one was Jennifer Gardner from Alias. So cool, athletic, confident... Should I be embarrassed I’m not sure, oh well I never said I didn’t have issues! Anyways, I have a new one! My friend Tarrah introduced me to her this morning, she is writer and singer Tara Leigh Cobble. On her blog she said God was really using Matt Chandler from the Village to change her life! Tarrah even wrote her and she wrote back! Isn’t that cool!? So I decided to listen to her music and I love it! Go to her site and listen and read the song Somehow Stay! I could have written that song, I love it!!!

Teach me...

On this particular day I was so excited, I was invited to a dear friend’s Bible study group to hear a special speaker. I border on envy and gratitude for my friend’s group. I long for a group like her’s with a leader that is not afraid to confront lies and to embrace truth. I am grateful that my friend is one of the most honest and candid people though. She shares everything she learns with me and lives in a way that I am reminded that I have exactly what God knows I need. Back to the story. I hurry and pick out a cute outfit, fix my hair and make up just so (all the time reminding myself that this day is not about me, haha) , dress the kids, and run out the door. I’m panting by the time I drop my kids off with my mother in law. Anxious, because I realize that I’ve run out the door without directions and without a cell phone. Anxious really because I have to ask for help (hate that) and I’m pretty sure I won’t be on time (hate that too). I use my mother in law’s phone to call for directions and I’m on my way, still excited because I have so many questions and for some reason I think I will find answers there. I get to my destination already worn out, but at the same time vulnerable and hopeful. The speaker turns out to be a witty eighty something year old woman. Funny, not what I expected. The girls there are pretty much like me not overly nice, but definitely welcoming. That was a relief because I had built them up in my mind to be, well perfect. I still felt nervous as I sat down to listen. Wondering, will I would hear what I’m supposed to hear, and will I speak if I’m supposed to speak? The sweet old lady told story after story rambling on and on… I liked her and the more she talked the more I thought she had something to say that was worth listening to. I’m used to speeches with 3 main points, a few filler jokes, and a perfected intro and ending, this was more of a one-sided conversation. She said some things that I will carry with me, but by far the part that struck me the most was near the end of our time together. You know the anxiety I talked about on the way there? That is how I feel a lot of the time. In my head I want to be on time, I want to be prepared, I want to say the right thing, I want to have it together, I want to be right… Yea, I want to be right all the time. But, why? When question time came I felt a tugging that I used to feel when I was young and about to ask a silly question that I thought everyone else knew the answer to. I had come to learn so I mustered up my strength, held my breath so I wouldn’t cry and prepared myself for a lecture about pride, I asked “Why do I always have to be right?”. The first words out her mouth? “Honey you don’t have to prove yourself”. I was almost mad, why is she feeling sorry for me? Everyone is always feeling sorry for me. About that time there was a faint whisper in my ear, "she is trying to help you just listen!". It felt like I had to force my ears open to listen, but I really did learn something that day. The truth is I am trying to prove myself over and over again. And every time I fail to be this imaginary person I’m trying to be I hate who I really am even more. Afterwards the girls were still really nice even though I had exposed myself (smile). On the way home I felt so accepted and really full. You know like I had showed the high school cheerleaders my biggest zit and they had still liked me. Ha, ha. Why does it feel so good to be accepted by men? I struggle with that… But that day God reminded me in such a loving way that he has accepted me (zits and all). If it feels so great to be accepted by a couple of girls just like myself then how does it feel to be loved and accepted by the God of the Universe? Why would I need to be anxious if no matter my failures I am still accepted by Him? He knows where I’m going and when I’m going to get there. So there is no need to try to control things when He has such precious meetings like these all ready in the works for me. And no, my life is not going to look like my friend’s life and I should be relieved, He is going to work in me in a way cannot fathom. Oh God, help me to remember your lessons and press into You only. Then my life, may I be early or on time, prepared or in a mess, will be all about You and I will finally be happy, rested, and not anxious and it will be to Your glory.

Other points from the meeting:

• Comparing yourself to others is the work of the Devil


• Learn something from everyone (if an 80 year old can say this we should listen)


• People will learn from your weaknesses, not your strengths

Happy Birthday Myla!

Myla turns 3 today! Her Princess Party Saturday was a big hit. Costumes, friends, games, and a beautiful cake (made by Mimi), who could ask for more?

A thrown for the Princess

Bubble Wands (Bryan is always in the way :) )
Opening presents

Building Castles
Sword Fighting
This was the best game, they decorated Burger King Crowns that I painted silver

Princess Cake

I think this was the Best Costume, notice the milk jug!
Whoa, three years went by fast! We love you Myla!

God Is

God spoke creation into being and He
Is the Word
The Creator of the Heavens
Is the treasure
The One who made land
Is the firm foundation
He created the seas and
Is the living water
God filled the earth with vegetation and He
Is the food for the hungry
The One who brought light to day and night
Is the everlasting light
The One who formed life
Is Life

Changes...

God wants to change my heart, not necessarily my circumstance.

Warning!

Stay clear of our house! We are contaminated with the flu! Kip and Maddox got sick over the weekend and they are still not feeling well. No fun! Maddox isn't sleeping which means mommy isn't either. The doctor did put me and the other kids on tamiflu so hopefully no one else will catch this stuff. I think we will do the flu shot next year...

Senorita Embarazoso!

Over the weekend I went to a Southern Living party at my good friend, Marcey’s, house. Melissa and Marcey (twin sisters) and I have been friends since the seventh grade and I love getting together with them. We always have something to laugh about! The party’s theme was South of the Border and at the beginning of the meeting there was a hostess quiz. You got points for if you owned an apron, made homemade guacamole (instead of buying the bag kind), made weekly menus to shop from, owned more than one set of dishes… Anways, the winner had like 18 points and the loser had 6… Which do you think I was?!
So embarassing! I should have lied about my points. Oh well, it was funny! And the picture turned pretty good :).

Deceptively Delicious

Cookbooks are not something that I usually read or care for, but I love this one! In case you haven't heard the gist of the book is that you steam and puree vegetables and then hide them in ordinary foods from muffins to tacos! I've decided pureeing is actually an art form, my mom let me borrow her cusinart and oh there is no turning back! The other day I fit an entire butternut squash in that sweet machine and it gave me all kinds of thrills, scary! Well, I love vegetables and my family doesn't so this is the perfect idea for us. I get to nibble on all sorts of fresh veggies (steamed cauliflower, yum!) while I puree and my family gets their nutrients without even knowing it! They turn their nose up at what Maddox is eating, little do they know! The rebel in me loves to hide crazy vegetables from my them, epecially my husband :)! He has no idea what he's eating! No, if he asks I tell him, well usually...

Here's my favorite recipe Tacos, the crushed tomatoes and vegetable puree make them thick and rich (I also put leftovers inside soft tortillas and make quesdillas)

• Nonstick cooking spray
• 1 Tbl olive oil
• 1 lb lean turkey (I use half lean and half extra lean)
• 1 (14 ounce) can crushed tomatoes with juice
• 1/2 cup sweet potato, carrot, or butternut squash puree (you could just throw a sweet potato in the microwave for 10 minutes and then puree in the food processor)
• 1/2 (1.25 ounce) packet of taco seasoning
• 1 package taco shells
• 1/2 cup shredded cheese

I also puree canned black beans and salsa as an additional filling, no need to cook before hand.

1. Coat a large skillet with cooking spray and set over med-high heat. When skillet is hot, add oil. Add meat, breaking it up with a spoon. Brown for 4-5 minutes, stirring occasionally.
2. Stir in tomatoes and their juice, vegggie puree, and seasoning mix. Reduce heat to low and simmer until meat is no longer pink and the mixture begins to thicken, 10 to 15 minutes longer.
3. Preheat the oven to 325 F. (I preheat my shells a little) Then I put fill with my black bean mixture and then meat mixture and finally sprinkle with cheese. Stand the shells in a baking dish and bake until the cheese melts, 5 to 10 minutes. Add your favorite toppings!

MY MAN!

My sweet lover, there are so many things I treasure about Kip! I decided to just list twenty! Happy Valentine’s Kip!

1. He’s so funny, he always has everyone laughing
2. He sings! That voice gets me every time!
3. The way he chases Myla until she will kiss him
4. He’s a little boy in a man’s body (this can be annoying, but it’s also really cute)
5. The way he plays with Mason (see above)
6. He makes Maddox laugh and practices saying “dada” with him
7. There’s a lot I don’t understand so he explains things to me (he makes up an answer if he doesn’t know)
8. He’s really smart!
9. I love it when he’s excited and his whole face smiles
10. He’s sensitive, we both cry at sad movies
11. He protects me and the kids and turns into a bear if we are threatened
12. He’s a great negotiator
13. His kisses send me off to far away places :0
14. He always wants to open gifts early
15. He works hard and those that he works with respect him
16. I tend to be uptight and he has a way of relaxing the mood
17. He’s loyal and devoted to whatever he does
18. He’s a natural giver
19. He’s a musician, can play songs on the guitar just by hearing them
20. He’s MINE!!!

Who Me?

Awh, denial... Darn pink elephant! Everytime it's exposed I am shocked, surprised, mortified, and embarrassed. Well, today it was exposed again and I still felt all those same emotions, but instead of rolling up in a ball and crying I started laughing. I mean big, full laughs. Maybe it was just the way it was delivered or something else. Whatever it was my immediate response was laughter and now I can't stop smiling. A line from the song Amazing Grace came to mind.

"T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear. And Grace, my fears relieved. How precious did that Grace appear the hour I first believed."

I can't put it into words, but in that moment Grace was there.

Pictures

Pictures, pictures, pictures... When I look at other people's photos I imagine that they are somehow perfect. Like they have found the secret that makes life right. That's a lie, a lie that unfortunately I sometimes take advantage of for my own life. Pretty on the outside means pretty on the inside. Anyways, try not to imagine perfection in my photos and I'll try not to imagine it in yours :).

Great Wolfe Lodge

So the Great Wolfe Lodge was truly great! Despite the fire alarm that woke us at 8 am on Saturday and Mason getting sick at 6 am on Sunday! The waterpark was awesome it is truly a little person's fantasy! Here are some pictures to prove it!

Honestly...

It is so hard for me to be honest. I feel like if anyone were to ask me a question I would survey my environment, contemplate how I should feel, and then check to see if that would hurt any one's feelings and only then would I give a shallow, partially true (at best) answer. I have been trying to be right instead of truthful for so long that I have lost part of myself. Will I ever have the courage and the words to just be honest?